Consider This

I shop at a grocery store that employs individuals with mental handicaps (please give me a more PC way of saying that, if u feel the urge). One of these individuals seems to be a Lil fond of me.

Well, when I went shopping a few times (without my partner in tow), he approached me. He helped me with my groceries once and asked me questions about my marital status and if I lived alone. The following solo trip led to him asking for my number and an expression of interest in me.

Now, I don’t feel I did anything beyond what anyone SHOULD do to another human being which is respect him. Did I believe his “like” had any deep meaning or truth? I don’t know. But I let him down with a maybe next time.

Next time, my partner was with me. This employee approached us with a smile and very confidently said hi to me before asking of my partner “and who is this”?

To bring the story to a semi-conclusion and the real reason I’m writing this, I told my partner about what had gone on. I also said that I don’t always know how to turn people down when I am approached so gently and kindly. I feel like I do not want the person to make their next attempt fearfully.

Now, people that know my situation or that are just rude in their delivery, I have ZERO problem shutting them down. They need to learn a better way. Not to say I’m their teacher but I’m also not having it.

I have to add that I’m not approached often. Others tell me that it’s due to people being intimidated. Maybe.

Back to the story, my partner posed a question…”how do you expect to be someone’s wife when you say things like that?” Things referring to my not wanting to hurt the feelings of those that approach respectfully. She went on to say that u can’t carry the weight of everyone’s feelings on my shoulders.

Hmmm…I think I could had made that sound in my head. Why would you want a wife that lacks compassion for the people that have nothing more to offer her than respect? I did defend myself, I feel the need with her too often, and state that it’s not a weight I carry long.

Maybe I’m crazy for feeling that way, maybe I’m justified. Or maybe, and must likely of all, I’m just me.

Dreaming of Consequences

It was a strange dream. I was in a city but also in my call center at work. I don’t recall how the transition happened to either one.

Anyway, I was offered cocaine and I used it. Odd for me bc I do not do drugs. But I did it and the high was interesting.

Not long after, I had a second hit. This one did not come with the same high but paranoia came. I wondered if they would notice at work, as I took 911 calls, that I had snorted an illegal narcotic.

I was in some type of diner And, suddenly, I was selling. I had a yellowish powder in my possession and bags of rocks. Even in my dream, I couldn’t help but to consider the consequences of my actions. I thought about felony possession charges. I thought about time to serve, about losing my job.

I woke up puzzled. What, if anything, did it all mean? Why is that suddenly on my mind? I know I have no interest in the literal situations but was something tucked away behind it?